Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Loud Chinese

2010-03-05T12:59:00.010-05:00

If you are ever in the Detroit area and are craving on some Chinese food, let me recommend Kong Kow on Michigan Avenue in the east end of Dearborn, just west of the Detroit border. Kong Kow is an old-school, throwback Chinese restaurant run by a husband and wife. The wife is LOUD. She cannot talk softly. If you don't grin when you hear her, you aren't human, hence the nickname, "Loud Chinese".

Audio clips:

Loud Chinese #1 The Lunch Gang arrives at Kong Kow

Loud Chinese #2

Loud Chinese #3

Kong Kow (Loud Chinese)
13337 Michigan Avenue
Dearborn, MI 48126-3540
(313) 581-5576
Map

My work, lunch gang and the Loud Chinese Woman after our most-excellent lunch.

This Week in Softball - The Cabin Fever Edition

2010-03-05T12:51:00.004-05:00

Gypsies...tramps and thieves, Sidney Crosby haters, rugby players from Arkansas, German dudes that import frieight and guys named Tim...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Cabin Fever Edition

Hello people.

For those of you who were not available to attend last night's Cabin Fever Beer Swilling, we here at TWIS thought we'd provide you with a much-needed, informative recap of the night's festivites.

WHO IS THAT MAN?

Our man Jeff "Jump" Smith walked into the KofC last night and went virtually unnoticed due to the shaving off of his decades-old goatee. Proc looked at him and said, "That guy looks like Jeffy. Oh, its not him.". Dave responded, "Its Jeff!!!". Shock and awe took over. Gone was the facial hair he has had since age 14. It was quite disturbing and almost surreal. Later Schmenge came in and sat down at the table and had no idea it was Jeff. We here at TWIS have attached a picture of an artist's rendering of how the new, madeover, Jeff, sans glasses and facial hair, might look to you if you would've been there to see him.

TENNIS ANYONE?

Last night our man Dugger was bragging about his abilities on the tennis and raquetball courts. It seems he has joined the Dearborn Racquet & Health Club and fancies himself some kind of semi-pro on the court. He let us all know how he beat Jeff, 6-3 and 4-3 (the set was shortened due to the old men being tired) in Tennis and how he is in a Racquetball League. It was also disclosed that he gets beat in racquetball nearly every week by guys as old as 68 years old. The conversation, fueled by 8 buckets of beer, escalated, when Schmenge mentioned he played tennis in high school. Dugger replied to this with the scalding statement, "Schmenge, I didn't know you had an athletic bone in your body!". From there it was on. Look for the "Schmenge - Dugger Tennis Match" soon. This is huge. It'll be like Billie Jean King vs. Bobby Riggs II, only really gay. We have attached another picture of what these two participants will look like on the court. Stay tuned for details as this tennis match WILL happen.

WAS THAT DIETER?

We were also joined last night by Mister Jim "K"ramer, ladies and gentlmen. Jim brought along a dude from their company, Kuehne-Nagle, named Yjorn (we here at TWIS were buzzed last night and know we are spelling this wrong). Anyhow, Yjorn reminded us of the dude Dieter from the Saturday Night Live skit, "Sprockets!" (Now we dance!). As the night concluded, Yjorn the German bonded with Schmenge the Swede and will be attending Schmenge's IRISH St. Patty's Day Party on the 19th. You know its good times when Germany, Sweden, Ireland and the USA get their party on. Pic of Yjorn attached.

Thank you to Jeffro Bardelli for buying us beers last night even though he wasn't there.

Thanks to Focker for the cigar(s).

And thanks to the Indian bastage that called Proc at the bar and made him go back into work for awhile.

Its been a long winter boys. Spring and the Schmenge-Dugger Tennis Match can't come soon enough.

Anybody want to play softball?

-PROC

2010-03-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

"For, lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; The time of the singing of birds is come, And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land."

This is a biblical quote that long-time, Detroit Tigers radio announcer, Ernie Harwell would say at the start of the first, Spring Training game. It evokes some pretty good memories for me and makes me think of warmer weather and baseball. Ernie's health is failing and he doesn't have alot of time left. He's been a gem of a man and one whose voice was synonomous with baseball in Detroit.

God bless ya, Ernie.

Let the baseball season commence...Play Ball!

Olympic hockey and the worst closing ceremony ever

2010-03-01T10:40:00.002-05:00

Congratulations go out to Team Canada on their win over Team USA, 3-2 in overtime. Unfortunately the USA lost, but it didn't diminish what a great game it was . But, why did the winning goal have to be scored by cry-baby Sidney Crosby. Ugh. I still haven't gotten over his whining the past two Stanley Cup Finals (GO WINGS!). When Zach Parise of the USA scored the tying goal with 24 seconds left, you could hear 33 million Canadians stabbing themselves in the gut.

Later in the evening, the closing ceremonies took place. It was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Dancing Mounties? Floating Beavers? I was embarassed for Canada to see it. And since when is an aging, bloated, Captain Kirk, er, William Shatner, considered enough of a national hero, that he is given time to talk in the closing ceremonies. Ugh. You mean Doug and Bob McKenzie weren't available? And when Michael J. Fox said that he has lived in the states for three decades but is still really Canadian, I was dumbfounded. Get someone who lives there full time to speak.

Here's the floating beaver. Worst. Idea. Ever.

Let them party!

2010-02-26T10:08:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to the Canadian woman's team on their 2-0 victory over the USA and subsequently, winning the gold medal.

Of course I was rooting for the USA gals, but hey, hockey is a religion in Canada. The game is tied to the identity of the people, so anything less than gold and its a failure in their eyes.

Anyhow, post victory, the Canadian woman decided to return to the ice with their medals, Cuban cigars and some ice cold Molson Canadian beer.

Any problem with this?

Not from me. I thought the celebration was cool.

However, the International Olympic Committee and the Canadian Olympic Committee, and their national media are up in arms. How could they set such a "poor" example for others by smoking cigars and drinking beer?

Oh please.

Stick your political correctness up you ass and move along. They were just celebrating a hard-fought, lifelong dream of winning an Olympic gold medal. Leave 'em alone.

Man, I'm so sick and tired of crap like this.

I am hoping the USA men's team can beat Finland and then Canada for a second time (talk about a nearly impossible task). I then hope to see them smoke some stogies and imbibe in some beers post-victory too. :-) Honestly, I'll be 100% shocked if USA were to beat both Finland and Canada and win the gold.

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot 2010

2010-02-24T12:58:00.006-05:00

Its Bigfoot season!

No, not the mythical, hairy, ape-like creature, but the wonderful, full-bodied barleywine beer from the good folks from the Sierra Nevada Brewing Company from Chico, California. Click here to see Sierra Nevada's web page for Bigfoot Barleywine.

This is one of my favorite beers. Its always a bright spot in an otherwise, dull, long, cold, Michigan winter, when SN Bigfoot shows up on the shelves.

Bigfoot pours out to a dark ruby color in the glass with a nice, tan head. The aroma is that of pine and malt. The taste? Most years, it reminds me of hoppier version of their popular Pale Ale, but this year was a bit different to me. Sure, the pine notes and grapefruit flavors were there, but I also taste toffee this year as well, which, to me, made it more unique than ever.

Be careful how many you drink in a sitting though. The alcohol is 9.6% ABV (regular fizzy yellow beers are around 5% and light beers around 4%). The alcohol is hidden quite well, so they can sneak up on ya!

Check out the Beer Advocate reviews

A six pack of this will run you around $12. Its worth every penny.

Genesee Cream Ale and Avanti Cigars...I've gone old school

2010-02-19T10:52:00.002-05:00

I've smoked cigars for 14 years. Over the years, I've accumlated hundreds of premium (and bundled) handrolled cigars. I love Padrons, LaGloria Cubanas, Sancho Panza Extra Fuertes, Punch and Hoyo DeMonterrey's. I've got several hundred aging gracefully in 4 humidors. I enjoy a good cigar.

Along the way, I'm also a fan of good beer. I've also tried a ton of different beers. I'd say I've probably had over 800 now, with India Pale Ales, porters and stouts being my favorite styles.

So why last week, did I ghetto-ized myself and hit up the Genny Cream Ale and Avanti cigars instead of a Punch Rothschild and a Bell's Two-Hearted Ale?

Ah, cream ale.

When I was around 17, we had a few guys who had some killer fake I.D.'s. We'd hit the store and buy cases of Cinci Cream Ale in the short, stubby, 12oz. bottles that came in the heavy, cardboard case. The stuff was $6 a case and tasted amazing. Years went by, Cinci Cream Ale disappeared and so did the availability of cream ales. With the advent of microbrewing, many brewers brought cream ales back to their portfolios, but they never really caught on. A cream ale is sort of an ale/lager hybrid. Ale yeast, but sweet, lager taste.

Several years ago, I discovered Genesee Cream Ale out of New York state. Its an excellent CHEAP beer that reminds me of the beloved Cinci Cream Ale of my youth. The problem was, it was never available in Michigan. Until now. I discovered it in my local stores and can say I am quite happy. Will it replace craft beer for me? No, but it will fill a happy niche'.

As for cigars. I love a good, handrolled cigar. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than an hour with a good cigar. It makes me relax, and that is a good thing. However, I have my dark, cigar secret. I like Avanti's and have for many years. These cigars are dry-cured, and machine-made, and are all-tobacco (no homogenized tobacco binder or wrapper). They are made in Scranton, Pennsylvania, by the Avanti Cigar Company and are of the toscano (Italian) style. The Avanti's are brushed with anise (black licorice) and I swear its like eating/smoking Good N'Plenty candy. I am a fan of black liquorice, so this is just a bonus. Pair it up with a few fingers of bourbon, and you've got yourself a half hour of good times. Like craft beer, this inexpensive cigar won't replace my four humidors of handrolled ones, but it does afford me a cheap "luxury" when I don't feel like smoking an expensive 'gar. :-)

The Soup Party

2010-02-17T13:12:00.007-05:00

Every year in February, my sister and brother-in-law host an event we all simply call, "The Soup Party."

The Soup Party consists of 35-40 friends and relatives, 12-15 crockpots of soup, fresh breads, desserts and alot of wine.

Its more fun than a holiday get-together. Everybody likes soup, right?

This year, I am making a Mexican Chorizo Noodle Soup. A batch has been "tested" by friends and neighbors and received enthusiastic approval.

So, if you happened to find this blog entry (my first in nearly 2 years), grab this recipe and make some soup. You won't regret it.

Mexican Chorizo Noodle Soup

2 cloves of garlic
1 small onion cut up
1 small can (14-15oz.) diced tomatoes
42 ounces chicken broth
1 tbsp. ancho chili powder
1 tbsp. cumin
1 tbsp. chipolte chili powder
1 tbsp. dried parsley
1 lb. chorizo sausage (I prefer to buy the links and remove the sausge from the casing)
7 oz. package fideo noodles (in the Mexican section of your grocery story or us can use very fine noodle or broken up angel hair)

Put garlic, onion and diced tomatoes in a blender. Blend until smooth. Pour into soup pot.
Add the chicken broth. Stir together.
Add the ancho, chipolte powders and cumin.
Let simmer while you prepare the chorizo.
Take the chorizo out of the casing (no needed if you buy it loose). Cut into small, bite-sized pieces and brown in a frying pan until cooked. Drain the grease. I like to put the cooked chorizo in a strainer and rinse it. Once rinsed, add the chorizo to the soup pot.

Add the parsely.

Add the fideo noodles.

Simmer for 15 minutes.

Gerald Atwood, 9/11 and the cigar

2008-09-11T07:51:00.002-04:00

Today marks the 7th anniversary of the horrific events of September 11, 2001.

A month or two after the tragedy, a widow of one of the NY Firefighters e-mailed me to ask how to store cigars for the long term. She had seen a web page about humidors I had online at the time and said her husband was an avid cigar smoker. She had decided to keep his cigars and try to store them for the long term to give to their young son. She was pregnant with the couple's third child. A child who has never got to know a father. A father who was a hero trying to save lives in the World Trade Center when it collapsed. The man was only 38 years old.

Today, I will remember a man I never met, yet am somehow connected via the magic of the cigar - Gerald Atwood

So, as we go about our busy day and our complicated lives, take a moment today to reflect on our fallen.

May they all rest in peace.

We will not forget.

This Week in Softball - Coach Proc Reflects Edition

2008-08-20T15:11:00.004-04:00

Tailgaters, Michelob Ultra Keg Guys, Woman with dirty cars, Lemmy from Motorhead, Bean Sprouts and those named Kelly, Wojo, Mike and Sandy.

Welcome to This Week in Softball - Coach Proc Reflects Edition.Hi all.

Normally, a TWIS describing some type of beatdown would occupy this space.

And normally, I'd go off on some diatribe on how someone fugged up a play of messed up.

Not today.

Not this time.

I just want to say some things.TWIS started off 5+ years ago with an e-mail I sent ranting and raving about how disgusted I was with our team's play. I literally went off on a raging, e-mail bender, that ended up with just about everyone getting bashed.

Yep, that's exactly how TWIS was born.It was born out of anger, but ended up being comic relief for all of us.

Over the past half decade, I'd get e-mails from you guys saying, "Where is TWIS?" "Is TWIS out yet?" "What is going on with TWIS?".TWIS has been e-mailed to people all over the country and has been read in foreign countries. E-mail gets forwarded you know.

Who would've known the exploits of a dozen or so aging softball players would be read by so many? Not me. But, I can tell you, it brings a smile to my face.

TWIS wasn't just written by me. Sure, the majority were, but T.C. wrote some d****mn funny ones and their were occasional guest spots from Dawg and Mitch that were classics in their own right. We missed our calling fellas. We should've kicked Mitch Albom's a**z**z off the Free Press pages. We should've had our own columns.

Its been a fun ride playing softball with you guys and I've got some great memories. So, indulge me a little will ya as I lay out some highlights and thoughts that I remember.

Dugger and I and our first game back in 1983 with Hagopian Carpets and the subsequent years with Kirby Vaccuum, Old Time Prop Shop, Frankie Party Store, Seven Star Printing, Moby Dick's, Sports Haven, BBoomers and of course, the ever-loveable Bush Pilots.

The Bush Pilots, by the way, were named by Jim "Sports" McElhone. He even drew the original logo of the beaver in the biplane going down into the "spread" palm tree leaves. Ah, good times.

Probably the best player to ever don the uniform in franchise history was Sean Berro. The guy was phenomenal. He later became a health guru and moved to California.

We had guys like John "Dusty" Thompson, who pitched for years. I can still see that errant Dave Ziemba throw catching him square in the nose and his soon-after visit to the hospital. Ziemba has such a great arm and was fast like a jack-rabbit. Word is, he is an accountant in Ann Arbor and lives in a big, ole house in Pittsfield Township.

Dave Ziemba's brother, Marty (Party). Nice guy. Went through some tough times, but was a good pitcher and a great teammate.

Jeff Schulte. Pitched for us in the early years. Tough dude. He now owns the Dawg House Bar on Van Born in Dearborn Heights.

I still can see the Dave Sword-T.C. collision in centefield. T.C. ended up with bleeding kidneys or some such ailment. I think he is still mad at Dave Sword.

Keith Cummins. Our resident police officer. Keith could hit with the best of 'em.

Mark Niemic and Todd Learst (another cop) from the Kirby Vaccuum and Seven Star Teams. Nice guys.

I remember a guy named Nichols we went to school with, who slid over the metal base peg and took 70+ stitches to close the leg gash. That was nasty.

Third basemen. We have had more of these than Spinal Tap had drummers. My nephew Ryan (http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Ryan.jpg) and that Tim dude with the sweats with the shorts on top of the sweats and BigJohn are just three of the hundreds that come to mind.

Mike the Savior (http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Savior.jpg). A great pitcher, friend and ballplayer. We miss you fella. Stupid work schedule kept ya from playing.

BigJohn yelling at everyone to "take pitches".

Jeffro Bardelli's sweet, left-handed swing.

Freedom Rock's little glove and his many flasks.

Me, playing first base for 25 years. I can't believe its been that long. There's been alot of stretches for throws over the years, I can tell you that. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley/Proc-1stBase.JPG

Focker attaching the empty beer cans to fishing line and setting the "bait" for GarWee, who took it, hook, line and sinker and followed those cans across the parking lot while Focker reeled 'em in. When GarWee realized it, the look on his face was priceless. I honestly don't know if I've ever laughed harder in my life.

Mitch sitting down to pee on the parking block at Crowley.

I remember playing first base with a badly, sprained knee. It was a fall ball game. We would've foreited as we only had 8 guys. I didn't even have my gear. I played right handed (yes, I am a lefty if you have never noticed). I made every play at first. We actually won the game.The time my knee buckled when I stretched for a ball. It popped back into joint when I hit the ground.

And the time, my other knee buckled at home plate. I hit it down the line to the wall with bases loaded. All the fellas jumped over me to score as I was tagged out because I couldn't get up. As you can see here, my knees aren't good.

Mitch running in from the outfield and whipping the ball against the wooded slats in the back stop in protest of the umpires terrible call. The ump didn't kick him out and later showed up at the Sports Haven to apologize.

Playing at the now defunct, Ford Woods #4 and seeing a scared fox run across the infield. They were building the office buildings and shopping center across Greenfield and the poor fox literally got displaced.

I can still hear the 'Rab team calling Rich Hull a "Factory Worker". I can still see him catching a line drive at third and holding the ball out pointing at their bench.

Mitch making the grab for the last out in that same game, sealing up the "Under .500" Tournament Championship. We got a trophy for that. The stands at King Boring were packed. Yes, packed. Our side was anyway. We had parents there and friends we didn't know we had. Mitch's kids were little and paraded around with a "Sports Haven" banner.

I can still see the afformentioned Sean Berro's throw home that caught Jump's dad, our then catcher, square in the 'nads. It was slow motion, but the after-effect kicked in and Jump's dad, affectionately and ironically nicknamed, "Maury Wheels" for his lack of speed, feel staight back in big time pain.

Tim Kollar and his uncanny resemblence to Magnum P.I. (http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/TK.jpg).

The Can Return Posse -- CRA on the East Side. GarWee on the West http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Mitch-Proc-Gar-Wee.jpg and the Poltergiest Woman in the wheel chair back at Porath, who hated CRA.And, of course, the Bathroom Nazi Chick that wore the safety goggles. I can still hear Dugger telling her how he was "brewing one" and that the bathroom better be open.

I remember the good times at Moby Dick's Lounge. We had fun playing the V-shaped shuffleboard table and eating cheap burgers. We sometimes would go to "The Running Board", now KC's Dive, to play the long shuffleboard table.

Rosie and Joe Joe from Sports Haven and later Pat and Emil. We played for this bar for many years. We met Mitch here on a cold, early spring day, what, 18 years ago? Who would've known the "Little Feller" who was sporting a fine, p**o***r***n mustache, would've been such a big part of all this?

The Powder Puff Blue Sports Haven Crew when we had the powder puff blue jerseys.The Moby Dick jerseys with the crazy Houston Astro's stripes on the sleeves. Nearly all of us cut the sleeves off those jerseys.

Tim "T.K" Kollar calling out Bean as looking like Mr. Bean after a practice at Porath. A classic moment in time.

Dawg's home run down the line at the-then used Crowley #2. It rolled a long way right down the chalk to the concrete wall. The soccer field is there now.

Back on our 20s, when guys would have 2 and sometimes, 3, woman there to watch them play.There was Crazy Bob digging a ditch by hand to get the water to drain away from the batter's box/home plate because he wanted to play so bad. He wasn't successful.

The 15-3 season and league championship with BBoomers. What a good team. We were in our prime then. We one our first tournament game and then got schooled by the older guys from Little Professor Book Store, who beat us 18-1 and never hit anything more than a single.

You can still see Bean and T.C. standing on second base and both getting tagged out in our Under .500 tourney, semi-final loss to Lear Jets. Lear Jets ended up crushing their opponent in the final. That trophy should've been ours.

Bean pulling every muscle in his leg and coming up lame, leading to his retirement.

The Schultz Throw. 90 m.p.h square intot he back of the running sliding into second and the benches emptying.

How excited we used to be when we were scheduled at King Boring. I believe Mitch referred to it and still does, as "The Big House".How much we hated playing at the now-closed, Porath. Hemlock then replaced Porath as our most-hated field.

Our battles, which were like wars, with The Brew Crew and Raiders. What great games we had with those guys over the years. Anybody remember The Brew Crew bringing their trophy and putting it on the bench?

The Umpire, Scotty, and his son. They would come into the Sports Haven. Dawg and I would give the kid video game money. I bet that "kid" is 25 years old or more.

Speaking of that, many of us won't forget the moment last year when we realized Matt was the son of John "Perch" Dixon, who grew up and hung out with many of us. It blew us away. Still does if you think about it. I looked over at Bean's baby and mentioned that is how old Matt was when I met him.

Kenny from BBoomers. Nice guy. A bit crass and uptight, but he was a good team owner. Treated us well.

Getting stuck with the bill at BBoomers. Dawg and I got stuck with lions-share of the bill too many times, because we were always the last ones to leave.

The tailgate parties when we became the Bush Pilots. No more stuck bar tabs.

Our man Face. While he didn't have a storied softball career, he always gave it his all when he did play. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Face.jpg

Art from Arkansas. You are a good friend of the Bush Pilots.

Doug Ostroski. Duggo. Great guy. Still miss him not playing.

The dwarf catching for one of our opponents. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2007/dwarf-2.jpg

Jeff shaving his legs. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2007/jeffs-legs.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2007/nair-for-men.jpg

UPS Greg's laugh.

Mitch falling down.

And falling down again.

Focker with hair http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Matt.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3708.JPG

The Go-Kart race at Crowley and the "Glory Hole". http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3719.JPG http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3714.JPG http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/%20GloryHole.jpg

My never-ending photoshop pictures of Bean and his "restraining order" against me. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/cubsfan-Bean.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/bean-oscar.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/beanWaterBuffalo.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Bean-Ref.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Bean_Wallace.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley/Bean-and-Friends.jpg

Bean and his associate. Later called out about his "associate", er friend, in yet, another photoshop. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Bean-Napolean.jpg

Coaching with T.C. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/CoachProcACTim.jpg

Julie keeping score.

Scott Hamilton, Ice Dancer, from Howell's. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Scott-Hamilton-Magazine.jpg

Bryan Larson, who'd hit 3 home runs, then throw away 3 throws while blaming everyone else.

Focker not letting Mitch leave after the Little Feller had a bad game. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/softball3/fokker_blocker.JPG

The Curse of The Schmenge. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Schmenge-Tiki.jpg

T.C.'s boy-sized t-shirt. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley/boys-t-shirt.jpg

Jump's perfect throws to first. Awesome accuracy. Two plus decades of laser throws to first. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Jeffy.jpg

Dugger's sky ball popups. THE DOUG BRYANT INSTITUTE FOR POP-UPS (D.B.I.F.P.U. ) was mentioned in TWIS back in 2004. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/week1-2004.htm

Dugger's great pitching.

Dave playing rightfield for so many years. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Dave1.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3706.JPG

Cramer playing just about every position. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Kramer.jpg

Dawg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Dawg.jpg hitting every hit up the middle. Like clockwork, he and his ancient bat, "The Warlord" could be counted on time and time again. What a great catcher too. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/softball3/Dawg_in_action.JPG

There are many, many more, but I'll leave it here - for now. If any of you would like to contribute your memories, please do. That would be great.

Focker, T.C., FNG and Freedom Rock, we missed you last game.

In the meantime, check out Face's pictures from last Friday (8/15/08): http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2008FinalRegSeason/

Cramer, thank you for the great tailgate. You are the Tailgate Chef Master, my friend. You efforts the other night were greatly appreciated. Thank you to Jump, Dubya and BigAl for bringing chow. Dugger, great job on the keg. Thanks to Cheryl, a.k.a. "Wojo" for running me up to the store for ice for the keg. All who contributed to the tailgate, I thank you. And thanks to The Schmenge's for putting up with a bunch of us who crashed their crib later in the evening.

Bean, it was great to see you and Bean Sprout, my friend. Come on out this Wednesday and play. We mean it.

I am sure Mitch's wife Sandy will have her pics posted somewhere soon.

We play this Wednesay at 6:15 at Crowley. Its a one-and-done playoff/tournament game. If we win, we play again on Thursday at 6:15 at Levagood. If we lose, well, we'll call it a career and move on.

Will there be over-the-winter sentiment to return to the diamond? I leave it all up to you fellas. Either way, its been a great ride. I've had so much fun over the years. If we don't play, I will miss hanging out with you guys though. That will be tough.

So, Bush Pilots, win or lose, let's give it our best this Wednesday. Even if our best isn't that good anymore, its still good enough to me. It is what it is you know.

As UPS Greg said, is This Week in Golf (TWIG) far behind? I still think This Week in Horseshoes (TWIH) would be better, LOL.

Did I mention Mitch falling down? :-)

Thanks for letting me share.

You guys rock.

-COACH PROC

Super Bowl (or how will we live without football for months on end?)

2008-02-05T09:27:00.000-05:00

The Super Bowl is over.

Sigh.

I'm a sports junkie. Whether it be football, baseball (GoTigers!), hockey (I go to Red Wings games alot), or basketball, I'll watch it.

But there is something "missing" this time of year. When the last second runs off the clock in The Super Bowl, we are left with 2 months of hockey and basketball (and of course, NASCAR, but that's a topic for another blog).

Its not enough.

We need a longer football season!

Yeah, that'll make wives around the country happy, but hey, it'll make for some happy men.

As for the actual Super Bowl, it was good to see the Giants pull the upset over the Patriots. My son hit two quarters in his school "numbers" game and "wins" no homework for part of the week. Good work outta him. The last Giants score cost me a few bucks as I had the numbers up until then, but its all good.

I gotta send a shoutout to Tommy Z (ZMAN) from Jersey. His Giants won the game and he was able to avoid getting his head shaved. You see, he made a bet with the boys from the Ron & Fez show on XM radio (channel 202 - The Virus) and made a "hair vs. hair" bet straight up with no points. And, like a man, he took the bet. He was relieved (and very happy I might add) when the G-Men won the game. Not only did his beloved Giants win the Super Bowl, but he keeps his locks. And, word is, he'll be getting a pilot show on XM radio soon. Rock on, ZMAN, rock on.

I think I'll make some kind of bet like that or similar if the Detroit Lions lose the Super Bowl.

Oh wait, the pieces of shee-at haven't won more than one playoff game in fifty years.

Well, there is next year...LOL

Buddy Culver still rocks...a new show will be out soon I promise: http://www.buddyculver.com

Some musings...

2008-02-01T12:47:00.001-05:00

I swear the older I get the more I can't stand the winter. Here in Michigan, it drags on and on and on...
On the XM radio right now...Channel: Fred (oldies alternative) Artist: The Damned Song: Smash it Up. Good stuff. Followed up by The Smith's "Girlfriend in a Coma"...
I really need to do a podcast. Its been nearly 3 months. I love jamming indie music and helping out bands in anyway, shape or form, but if I can't research the band and do a good show, then I don't do the show, period. Time to make some time...
I've been averaging 2-2.25 miles a day (30 minutes) on the treadmill. It definetely makes a difference.
This TV writer's strike is now starting to bug me. Why? Because the networks are starting to unlease a barrage of reality shows on us. I hate reality shows.
The weather forecasters called for 10 inches of snow today. We got three. How can they fug up forecasts that bad when they have all this sophistacted radar and computer guidance modeling crap?
Enough of putting an "i" in front of things. The iPod started it and it should stay there.
I think I'll take golf lessons this spring.
We've had the Nintendo Wii system for 6 months now. I still dig the bowling. It never gets old to me.
Bell's Winter White is a vastly underrated beer. It should be their spring beer instead of Oberon and at 4.5% ABV makes for a great session beer. Think Blue Moon Belgian White, but with more flavor.
Why are frozen dinners, the kind you buy in the grocey store's frozen food section, always so small? You need two of them to fill you up. So much for "Lean" cuisine.
Duck breast wrapped in maple bacon and grilled is incredible.
I don't think I've ever been this excited for the baseball season to start. Let's go winter over already. Go Tigers!!!
I have a Flavorwave Oven (As Seen on TV) and I'm not afraid to use it. Seriously, the thing rocks. I cooked frozen solid Tilapia perfectly in 12 minutes the other night. I've cooked steaks, burgers, chicken (parts and whole), bacon and pork loin/chops on it. Whether frozen or thawed, everything has been great. I'm a believer.
I will blog more often. I promise.

Baseball, Clinically Proven and Pigskin

2006-08-31T09:27:00.000-04:00

The Detroit Tigers

Its nail-biting time here in Detroit as we prepare for the September stretch pennant-drive. Can our beloved Tigers hold off the White Sox and Twins. Its been so much fun to have baseball mean something again. Detroit is a great baseball town, but its been dormant for so long due to crappy teams. Its so cool to see kids, teenagers and even twentysomethings that have never seen winning baseball get excited. GO TIGERS!

Clinically Proven

I hate the term "clinincally proven". It seems like every commercial on TV uses this term. What clinic? Who is doing all this proving? Hell, I can say my kitchen is a clinic and I can prove anything I want. This saying should be banned. I propose we all by NOTHING from a company that touts their product as "clinically proven."

Football!

Ah, the joy of fall, football begins this weekend. Bring it on! I love football. GO BLUE! Michigan will lose 3-4 games and Lloyd Carr will be on the hot seat. Meanwhile, the Lions will win 8-9 games and surprise people. Their defense will suck, but Mike Martz will bring us an offense that should be fun and productive. Besides, I need 'em to win 8 games to collect on a case of Redhook I bet my brother.

Playoff Tickets

Major League Baseball sets the price of playoff tickets. Can you say "gouge"? Our invoice is for $2800 for 2 seats for the playoffs. We paid only $600 for our 21-game package. Ouch. I think I'll watch on TV. C'mon Tigers!

Kaiser Chiefs

I can't get enough of "I Predict a Riot" by the Kaiser Chiefs, a band out of the U.K. Great song.

The Buddy Culver Show

I've been a bit lax in getting new shows of my podcast out lately. Summertime means I am outside and not in the bowels of the basement. However with my producer Mario going back to school and the weather starting to cool off, I'll have alot more time to put out my rockin', indie music podcast. Go here to listen ------> http://www.buddyculver.com

My Cousin Russ

Say a prayer or two for my cousin Russ, eh? He's been battling lukemia. He had a stem cell transplant a few months ago, but has been battling viral infections and is hoping for no new occurances. Get better cousin.

That Burger King Guy is scary and the NHL is back!

2005-10-06T14:03:00.000-04:00

The King - Burger, that is...

I don't eat at Burger King.

Actually, I don't eat anything where the word "king" is involved. Chicken Ala King? Forget it. King Crab? Nope. The way I look at, we overthrew the king two hundred plus years ago.

With that in mind, anybody see those new Burger King commercials? You know, the ones with the freaked-out looking guy in the king outfit, complete with tights, and a "king" mask that looks like it came straight out of a horror film? Man, that guy freaks me out. Note to Burger King: Since when did B-grade horror movie costumes sell Whoppers? Get that freak off the screen.

Although, the King does make a good NFL Safety.

Hey BK...change your name to "Burger President" and I am so there.

The NHL is back!

I am pretty happy that the NHL is back. Sure, I was pisssed off last year. I mean, come on now. They cancelled an entire season. I watched the Opening Night of the season the other night with the glee of a 7-year old opening up a pack of Pokemon cards. Yep, I missed hockey. I sped through all the games being shown on the NHL Center Ice packages (which was all the games) with all the professionalism of a man who knows his way around the TV remote. I like the new rules. The game flowed well, allowing for open skating without all the clutching, grabbing and hooking of the past. I really think this will work.

GO WINGS!

Buddy Culver is still rockin'!

I am still doing my indie music podcast, "The Buddy Culver Show", located here -- http://www.buddyculver.com I can't believe I've put out 22 podcasts since March. For those of you still not familiar with podcasts, they are a radio-style show, pre-recorded, that you can listen to online via your PC or by subscribing to it and listening to it on an iPod or mp3 player. The listnership has grown steadily since I started and I am completely amazed at the loyalty of the listeners. It just goes to prove that their is a market out there for independent bands and artists that record companies and commercial radio just don't take seriously.

Are you in a band or know someone who is that puts out original music? Send them to http://www.buddyculvercom and have 'em contact me.

D-Day from a first-hand account

2005-06-07T08:04:00.000-04:00

On his 21st birthday, he found himself in England. It was a long way from his home in the 31st Street block in Detroit.

He had been drafted into the army and was trained as a radio operator -- a very important job for a soldier during the war.

The U.S.S Shawnee transported him to England, where he continued to train and raise hell in a few English pubs.

On June 6th, 1944, a troop transport stopped in just less than 6 feet of water off the coast of Omaha Beach in Normandy, France. At 9:00AM the call to disembark the transport came down. He left the transport and headed into the cold water off the French coast.

As he waded toward the shore, big guns went off everywhere. Machine gun fire too. As he looked down, the water was red with the blood of bodies that had fallen before they ever reached he shore.

He could see the cliffs beyond the beach. These cliffs were being blasted apart in order to get a toehold on the beach and provide a spot to get to the top. The German army fired at will.

On the beach, gunfire was everywhere. Hiding behind the bodies of fallen comrades was a common sight for hours.

Incredibly, the U.S. Army was able to push the German Army back and get up the cliffs of Normandy.

He had survived the Beach.

A few days later, a fellow soldier was cleaning a Thompson sub-machine gun with a soiled rag that led to oil-covered hands as the weapon was being cleaned. The fellow soldier dropped the gun. It went off. A bullet went through his canteen and came out the other side. He was lucky. However, that fellow soldier lost four teeth while it took another four soldiers to pull him off the careless fool.

The Battle of the Bulge followed. German tanks everywhere. Another victory.

While in the German countryside, he and his comrades discussed how tired they were of C-rations. They moved a German couple off their farm for a few hours, telling them they were looking for hiding paratroopers. Really, all they wanted was a piglet from the farm. They roasted that piglet on a homemade spit for hours. He said it tasted incredible.

Later, he moved forward into Germany and the chance meeting with a Polish fellow named Kosinski who had relatives back in Detroit. It was a good thing he spoke fluent Polish, learned from his immigrant parents, so that he could understand Mr. Kosinski. He sent letters back to Detroit for the man.

There are many more stories. His family has heard them countless times and sometimes they just shake their head. However, these stories are priceless heirlooms of American History.

Soldier...Thank you for your contributions to the cause of American freedom during World War II.

Thank you for surviving that beach 61 years ago.

Thank you Frank Kendra.

--Your son in law, Darren

Radiocraft, Paula Abdul, The Bush Pilots, Latest Buddy Culver Show

2005-05-05T09:14:00.000-04:00

Radiocraft "Red"

No ranting on this topic. No sir, praise only.

I know we aren't even mid-way through 2005, but I have to say my music "Release of the Year" so far has to be "Red" from the Detroit band Radiocraft. This Motown quintet is made up of Kevin Breslin, Suzie Ferro, Ronnie and Danny Alcini and Ken Williams.

This CD is a mix of straightforward rock with twinges of alt-country thrown in. Think of it as the rockin' version of John Mellencamp from back in the day mixed with the vocals of Melissa Etheridge, the lyrical inspiration of Bob Seger and Bruce Springsteen all brought up to date. Its refreshingly nice to hear rock without it needing some angst, makeup, costume or theme behind it.

Got that? Well you should.

Here's their web site: http://www.radiocraftmusic.com

Go visit it. Better yet. Buy the CD. Get it here: http://www.radiocraftmusic.com/pages/stuff.html

Paula Abdul

So the washed-up 80's, L.A. Laker cheerleader choreographer, turned washed up "American Idol" judge was outed for banging a contestant 18 years her junior and helping him out. This just goes to show how shitty "reality" TV really is. What is the American fasination with reality televsion.

I'm tellin' ya Paula, "Straight up, will you really love Corey forever, oh oh oh..."

Sing that -- beotch.

The Bush Pilots

Yes Detroit's "favorite" softball team is back in action for the Summer of 2005!

Check out our weekly exploits via our weekly online recap we like to call "This Week in Softball".

We were bitch-slapped in Game 1, 12-4, by our arch-rivals from Howell's bar. I am thinking the over-under on wins this season is going to be 4.

It could be a long season, but we'll drink beer in the parking lot with the best of 'em.

The latest Buddy Culver Show

Check out some great bands on the May 2nd (2005) version of The Buddy Culver Show (Podcast #10). Andrea Jackman, The Hard Lessons and The Chesterfield Bridge.

Excellent music from all!

Bell's Oberon...ah, spring has arrived, GO MSU! and The Buddy Culver Show is rockin'!!!

2005-03-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

Oberon

I cannot believe how freakin' long this winter has been. It started right around Thanksgiving and has been cold as shit until today. I think we went over the 60 degree mark for the first time since early November '04. Shut up people in Florida. F-off too. I don't care if its warm there all year around. Get bent.

Anyhow, a sure sign that spring has arrived in Michigan hit the store shelves today. Bell's (Kalamazoo Brewing Company) released their Spring/Summer seasonal beer, Oberon, today. Yes, like a good beer soldier I marched right down to the store and picked up a case of this beauty of a beer.

Is it a complex beer?

No.

It is "heavy"?

No.

What it is...is a a summer wheat beer with a light taste of citrus. Its been a staple of Michigan summers for nearly twenty years since Larry Bell opened the brewery in Kalamazoo and whose popularity spread far and wide due to the good students of Western Michigan University.

Ah, Oberon.

I dig ya.

Many of these will be consumed in the next 4-5 months.

GO MSU!

As a certified, degree-holder from The University of Michigan, it pains me greatly to see our rivals, the Spartans of Michigan State University doing so well in the NCAA hoop's tournament. However, it has come to my attention that if MSU beats North Carolina and gets to the finals against Louisville, then I win 200 bones. Or, if MSU beats UNC and beats Illinois in the final, I'd win.

All of a sudden, I like the little green bastards.

GO STATE!

GO MSU!

GO 200 bones! Notice, I said "bones" not dollars. That would be illegal you know. ;-)

Hey all -- Podcast #6 of The Buddy Culver Show is online!

This podcasting thing is such a grin. I play D.J. in the basement of my crib. I've been exposed to a good number of new bands and have been playing cuts from indie bands from Detroit's past as well. Over 1000 people downloaded "The Buddy Culver Show" in the month of March. Not bad! I am so impressed with the indie music talent out there. Fantastic stuff. Click here to hear Buddy Culver.

The Buddy Culver Show #1 (Or how I started to Podcast)

2005-03-01T13:13:00.000-05:00

Click on XML link for subscribed feeds to the Buddy Culver show...have the show delivered to your iPod!!!

The Buddy Culver Show #1 (click on PODCAST icon on left to download)
(17:56) Introduction, music, the NHL, NASCAR, MLB and some tunes by the group Havilland (The "other" D. Proctor and his band. Current Motown rock, always with a good story to tell, and some Detroit 80s with Second Order Thinking!)

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Podcasting.

What a strange term - podcasting.

It sounds like something from that crazy movie, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Remember that one? You know, the flick where the alien pods from outer space take over everyone's bodies and people are re-birthed from these pods. Too cool.

Anyhow, back to the term podcasting. What is a podcast you ask?

Well, a podcast is an audio blog that uses mp3's. Much like this is a web log that uses HTML to show off a message. Think of it as the last bastion of renegade broadcasting. Essentially you record yourself, music, etc. onto an mp3 file, post it on the 'net, give the necessary RSS/XML coding so the iPodders can download it and way you go.

I will be joining the ranks of the podcasters soon. Yes, look for The Buddy Culver Show to debut on the web very soon. Buddy Culver? Who is he? Well, its me of course. You know the old routine of "Pick your porn name" where you if you are a guy you take the name of your first male pet (female pet for the ladies) and combine it with the street name where you grew up. In my case -- Buddy Culver. A legend is born.

I have registered www.buddyculver.com which will be the online home for the Podcast. Look for a show every couple of weeks with my thoughts, many of which have appeared in written form here, along with music from independent artists and b.s. about sports, cigars, beer and politics. Its all good. I used to D.J. at the college radio station a long time ago and have d.j.-ed parties and crap for years. I guess its the "Radio Host" in me that has to come out.

If you or anyone you know are an indie music group or solo artist, send me some tunes! I'd love to play em. Send 'em to me: dogrockets@rocketmail.com

Rock on. And remember, Humpty Dumpty was pushed.

-Buddy, March 1, 2005

The Super Bowl in Detroit. Hey Media, It will be effin' cold, got that?

2005-02-04T21:28:00.000-05:00

Ah, we are just a year away from hosting the Super Bowl here in Motown.

In all honesty, I think its pretty cool. The Super Bowl is a world-event now, being watched all over the planet and it truly showcases the host city.

With that said, the City of Detroit doesn't stand a chance.

We here in Motown are just going to have to face up to it.

Those of us fortunate to live in Southeastern Michigan have a f-in chip on our shoulder. A big chip.

Why?

Well for a half century we've been told what an arm pit, rundown, piece of shit our city is.

Well, you know what?

It is.

We firmly admit it.

But its OUR PIECE OF SHIT. If anyone wants to freakin' pile on it, it damn well should be us and not some namby pamby, cafe' latte sippin', pussy reporter from LA who will fly in here for one week next year and bitch about the 22 degree weather.

Note to the National and World media: When did the Super Bowl become about you? When did it become your mini vacation where you report on how much you like the local Hooters and if the strip clubs are first rate or not? Isn't it about the football game? Of course its not. Its about whether the dude from the Dallas Morning News, New York Post or ESPN has a hotel room close to the stadium where they can get hammered for a week, get a lap dance and report on the weather. Yep its all about the media and their Super Bowl vacation reports.

Media, here's .another note: Its cold in Detroit in early February. Sometimes it gets so cold your nose hairs freeze when you breath outside. I can't wait to hear you bitch about that. I hope it snows like hell and then the temp plummets to 2 below. We're used to it, but it'll be great to see some slappy from California standing in some ridiculous parka reporting on it.

Sure, we'll throw the "Motown Winter Blast", a giant block party to cover up for the fact that we're not New Orleans or Miami and maybe even some of you will use the snow slide or watch the sled dogs (sled dogs are native to Detroit you know). We'll even throw parties and other diversions from the weather to shut your asses up, but we know it won't work.

Media, one more thing. Kiss my ass now. I don't want to have to waste my time bitching about you a year from now.

Wouldn't it be fitting if the perennial losing Lions made the Super Bowl in their home city? It won't happen. But it might be the only thing to keep them from bashing Detroit and the weather.

As for the strip clubs? Don't stay in Detroit. Go over the bridge or tunnel to Windsor and see the real ballet. You probably won't bitch about that.

My prediction for the upcoming Super Bowl....Patriots 27 Eagles 24.

I need more cowbell! (and one crappy ass job)

2005-01-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

I'm Bruce Dickinson. Yes, THE Bruce Dickinson. The song is great, but it could use more cowbell. Guess what... I got a fever. And the only prescription, is more cowbell!

For those not in the know, those words were uttered by Christopher Walken while he was hosting Saturday Night Live one of his many times. The sketch revolved around the 70s rock band, Blue Oyster Cult, who were probably best known for their song "(Don't Fear) The Reaper". Walken played the part of the band's producer for that song. If you haven't seen the sketch, click here. I crack up every time I see it.

To be honest, I think music today could use some more cowbell. Ever listen to that ugly skank chick, Ashlee Simpson? I'd rather be subjected to an hour of straight cowbell than listen to that nastiness.

How about anything new by Ozzy Osbourne? Word is he is going to re-record Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven". Clapton's version was good. Me? Give me the cowbell before I listen to Ozzy warble his shit.

From now on, everytime you hear a crappy-ass song, think of it with some cowbell added. You know it'll put a grin on your face. That, and you'll realize you really need to change the station.

For some reason, I can't get the Bus Boys 1980 classic, "Did You See Me?" out of my head. "...spend all day, shinin' shoes....when I got home, I wanted somethin' to do..." Classic song. It needs no cowbell.

What a shitty job.

I am talking about the latest trend of local pizza joints to take their worst employee and outfit them in a sandwich board, costume or stupid shirt/hat combo of some sort, hawking their pizza for $5.

These morons are everywhere.

It seems like every pizza place you drive by, you see some poor asshole standing their with a sign he/she has to hold up advertising a cheap pizza. Its like being a pizza whore. Hell, its even more degrading than being a real whore. At least a real one gets paid more than minimum wage and doesn't have to hold up a sign to passers by.

What a degrading job. I'd rather shovel horse shit and put it in a bucket than stand out with the pizza for sale sign.

Pizza does sound good though. Ham, mushroom and onions. I wonder if that $5 piece of crap pie costs more with more than pepperoni on it. Damn Mike Illitch. Little Caesars used to be the best pizza in town. Now, its nothing more than fast food crap.

I'd think I need more cowbell now.

I go to the grocery store...for groceries.

2004-12-07T21:09:00.000-05:00

Ah, the grocery store.

The place where all our food dreams come true. The place where they've gotten so damn cheap and lazy, that we now work them and use the "U-Scan" and the place where the Atkins Diet people have made the price of beef go sky high.

I like the grocery store.

You see, I have this Sunday morning ritual going. I get up, read the sports section over a cup of coffee, grab a quick bite to eat and out I head to the store.

Its my "quiet time". My time to chill out and gather for the family. You know "hunters, gatherers"? We men do it all.

Sure, I have to figure out what coupon is still good and how much lunchmeat to buy, but hey, for an hour and a half, its just me, the shopping cart, a cup of coffee and, and, and, and...

PEOPLE WHO TRY TO SELL ME SHIT AND WANT MY MONEY AT THE FRONT DOOR!!!

That's right. At the front door of the store.

You know what I am talking about. Its all about those evil-doers who try to take our hard-earned grocery bucks before and after we leave the store.

Boy Scouts who try to sell you the stale ass popcorn in a can.

The Girl Scouts who sell their overpriced, not-as-good-as-they-used-to-be cookies.

Those guys who sell those newspapers no one reads (with apologies to my good friend Kahuna who does such a wonderful job for a local Goodfellows group).

The firefighters who are raising money for something or other.

The police (ditto the firefighters).

The local Little League Baseball or Football group selling something.

Groups of cheerleaders selling something.

Will this madness ever stop?

I don't want to be bombarded at the front door of the store, either on my way in or on my way out. Leave me alone. Heck, I'm a charitable and giving guy. Just don't take my cash when I am busy trying to figure out what type of detergent I need to buy.

Seriously. These groups all have good causes. But I don't want to see them EVERY TIME I go to the store. Just once, let me walk in and out in peace without having to run the gauntlet of guilt and go past them while some cute, little Brownie girl gives me the sad eyes and talks me into the Peanut Butter Patty (why don't they call them that anymore? What is the name of that cookie anyway, "Tagabout" or something stupid like that?).

Alright. I'm done.

But don't get in the way of this shopper.

When I am done U-scanning, I am spent.

Literally.

Joey Ballgame, Chunky Chili and Chick TV

2004-11-18T08:17:00.000-05:00

Talk about being all over the map.

That is where I am headed with this latest installment on the Proc Blog.

In this issue, I will cover such diverse topics as the Detroit Lions quarterback, canned chili and television aimed at a female audience.

Here we go.

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Joey Ballgame - Lions Quarterback

When my beloved Detroit Lions drafted Joey Harrington with the 3rd pick of the 2002 draft, I was pretty pumped up. It appeared on paper (I love that term "on paper") that the Lions had picked up the second coming of Joe Montana.

Did they really get the next Joe Montana?

Well, they haven't -- yet.

Call me a slappy, but if the Lions could ever get an offensive line that can run block, I do think that Joey (he needs to change it to just "Joe") Harrington will be a serviceable quarterback. The Lions rank 32nd in rushing this year. In case you are wondering where that ranks, well, its at the bottom. Last, even. Without a running game, the pressure is shifted to the quarterback to make plays. However, when teams know you are going to pass, they drop back in coverage and make life that much harder for the QB.

Will the Lions ever get that elusive running game going?

I don't know. I have a feeling they will continue to be at the bottom of the league in rushing and that Mr. Harrington, "Joey Ballgame" around these parts, will take the blame. And, in grand Detroit sports team fashion, they will let him go, where he will flourish for another team.

Oh well, another frustrating Lion's season.

1957. The Lions win it all.

Sigh.

Chunky Chili

As I sat camped out on my Laz-E-Boy with beverage in hand watching the NFL a few weeks ago, I was overwhelmed by the number of commercials for Campbell's Chunky Chili. Normally, you put the word "chunky" in front of anything and I get a bit grossed out, but I was intrigued, seeing as I dig chili. Visions of tailgaters munching down on warm bowls of chili while imbibing in alcoholic beverages and throwing footballs seemed to beckon to me.

I thought to myself: I must have this chili.

So, off I was to the local grocery store to finalize my conquest of this supposed, can delight.

Was there anyway a canned chili could compete with homemade?

Yes.

This shit is good. Decent even. I polished off the contents with a splash of Red Hot and crackers added and declared it "good".

Chunky Chili has got it goin' on.

Chick TV

What is up with all the cable/satellite stations for women out there? We have Oxygen, We, Leftime and Oh! that I know of. I mean, seriously, how many times can each of these stations show a Hugh Grant movie? I think I've seen "Four Weddings and a Funeral" listed on one of these stations at least once a week for the past month.

What am I doing checking the guide for these stations you ask?

Well, my significant other, Angie, has it on her "Favorites" list on the channel guide. For some reason, the TV is always on her favorites. Go figure.

Now, many woman might argue that ESPN is for men, but that is not true. They sometimes show woman's pro basketball (which no one watches).

I want my own channel.

I want to be the new Ted Turner.

PROC TV.

My station will show sports programs complete with my announcers that can swear and say anything they want like, "Hey, Joey Harrington sucks today. It looks like he stayed up late watching the Oxygen channel. What a puss.".

I'd have my own game shows to where contestants would answer sports-related questions to win cases of Chunky Chili.

I'd also have reruns of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and the original "Twilight Zone" running all the time.

My station would not show "Four Wedding and a Funeral" or any other Hugh Grant movie for that matter.

Oh! We need Oxygen in this Lifetime.

Not on TV we don't.

We are men.

PROC TV. Ask you cable or satellite provider about it.

The Evolution of a Beer Drinker

2004-11-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

***Originally published on beeradvocate.com 11/18/02 but it needed to be republished here in Proc-Blogdom to assist those in the quest for beer knowledge and fufillment.***

The Evolution of a Beer Drinker

From Bud to Advocacy, the Rise of the Beer Drinker.

As with most things in life, the more we experience something, the more our understanding, appreciation and knowledge of it grows.And yes, beer is an experience.

This experience can be chronicled throughout the evolution of BeerManKind ...

The Cave Man Period

We start off our evolution much like the Neanderthal or Cro-Magnon Man in our pursuit of quarry that gets us by and provides for our beer sustenance. Inexpensive lagers and malt liquors and satisfy our beer survival instincts. We walk hunched over and wear "Bud" t-shirts.

The Medieval Period

As our evolution progresses, we work our way into the role of Knights of The Beer Table. Our intentions are brave and we dare to take chances. We lay our glassware out and try to save the day. Save the princess? No, but we'll drink with her. The word "pint" enters our vocabulary for the first time and we heartily drink like a King. Yes, a fresh pint of Guinness and we think we can rule the kingdom.

The Explorer Period

Like Columbus, Magellan and Marco Polo, we set off in the pursuit of new treasures. We leave behind the comforts of home and venture out to foreign lands. The hops and malts of offshore places tickle our palates and we become worldly. Heineken, Beck's, Corona, and Stella beckon us to their side.

We bring these treasures back to our home land.

We are heroes.

The Governor Period

We return home as conquering men of John Courage. We now discover delights in our own backyards. Various beers from our region are sampled and deemed incredibly delicious. We drink the nectar from our native soil and believe we masters of our own domain. And, in some ways, we probably are. Drinkers all over the world consume locally brewed beers and try to spread the word far and wide.

The Belgian Period (the Period of Discovery)

It is at this point in our evolution that all hell breaks loose. We find out that monks make beer and have done so for years. Finding out that these men of religion brew beer, we respond, "That is too cool." We open these complex delights and screams of "Chimay!" and "Westy!" bellow out of our mouths. We buy goblet-shaped glassware and throw out our Spuds McKenzie plastic mugs. We talk about "balance" and "body" and for the first time in our lives, we understand what a barley wine is.

The Advocacy Period

Our journey into BeerManKind is complete.

Our evolution reaches its pinnacle.

We know what an IPA is.

We know hops by the names of Cascade and Tettnanger and Noble.

Our families look at us funny, but humor us.

We actually give ratings to beer and know, for the most part, what we are talking about.

We walk upright.

We have evolved.

--Kind of makes you want to have a beer right now doesn't it? -Darren, 11/9/04

The Fighting Electors! Go Electoral College!

2004-11-03T15:01:00.000-05:00

Another presidential election has come and gone.

And, here, this day after the big event, George W. Bush, has reclaimed the top spot with a hard fought victory over John F. Kerry.

Speaking of John F. Kerry...would the country have been ready for the return of a new "JFK"? Hmm...

I am not here to sulk or gloat over the outcome of the election. However, my offer of pot roast to George and Laura still stands.

No, I am here to spout rhetoric and bull shit about the Electoral College.

I am so tired of network anchorpersons and reporters and their reports as to why we supposedly don't need the Electoral Colleg.

Do away with it?

Hell no.

It works.

Think of the Electoral College as fifty separate elections. Really, that is all it is. You win the popular vote in a state, you win their "electors" or electoral votes. You get at least 270 or more of the 538 electoral votes and you win.

538? You ask.

Yes, 538. The number is equal to the number of representatives in the House of Representatives (438) and the number of senators (100). Each state has a certain number of members of the House of Representatives (here in Michigan it is 15) and all have 2 senators. Add 'em up and you get your number of electoral votes.

Why is this a big deal?

Because it forces the candidates to campaign everywhere. Bush was in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Kerry made stops in Iowa. Would they have visited either without the Electoral College?

No.

If we go to a Popular Vote-only election, only the major metropolitan centers of the U.S. will matter. Idaho and New Hampshire be damned, because you won't matter anymore. As it stands now, New Hampshire and its 4 electoral votes looked pretty big for awhile last night.

The "College" make each state important. The popular vote does note.

O.K. Now that I have that off my chest, I need to turn my attention to what I really want of the Electoral College.

A football team.

That is right. A football team.

Every college needs a team, a stadium and hot cheerleaders.

So, let's hear it for the Electoral College Fighting Electors.

Next to my beloved University of Michigan Wolverines, they could very well be my new favorite team.

I miss the NHL.

2004-10-21T10:14:00.000-04:00

I know I am definetely in the minority on this one.

I miss the NHL.

Last night was supposed to be my beloved Detroit Red Wings home opener. It didn't happen.

You see, the owners have "locked out" the players because they want a new collective bargaining agreement that will let them pay the players less than they paid them before which bascially is the cause of the problem leading to the lockout.

Got that?

I doubt it.

No one seems to understand it.

Aside from the hockey crazies in Canada and those in a few "real" hockey cities in the U.S. like Detroit, no one seems to miss the #4 major sport in America. Oops, make that #5, NASCAR has zoomed past it.

No, no one will miss it. They will get comfy on the couch and watch the World Series and the NFL and even the NBA after the Super Bowl is finished. They will even watch Poker on TV. And you all know my thoughts on that.

Last night as I settled into my Laz-E-Boy with a cold one and some shelled peanuts to watch the end of the Houston-St. Louis game and the end of the Yankee hex over the Red Sox, I actually felt bummed out that my clicker finger couldn't tune to Fox Sport Net Detroit and put on the Red Wing's game. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't care. I guess I do.

I am going to miss driving dowtown and parking for free behind the Greyhound Bus terminal and walking through the wasteland that is downtown Detroit on my way to Joe Louis Arena. I am going to miss walking up the 77 steps to our last row seats. I am going to miss the $7.50 beers. I am going to miss the people in the seats around us.

I know its an owners vs. players labor issue, but at the crux of the problem is hockey's failure to gain an expanded audience. It is a sport that doesn't translate well to television. In my humble opinion, it is the BEST sport to watch live. The action is constant and continuously unfolding. Watching it live, you can see the plays develop, which you can't on TV. Another reason for the problem is TV timeouts. It cuts into the flow of the game, but as we all know, without advertising revenue, there is no TV.

What to do?

I don't know. This labor impasse, which is hindered by the lack of a good, national TV contract (for reasons I just stated), doesn't look to end anytime soon. Oh, it will end and hockey will return. And only the hardcore fans will watch.

You know what?

Only the hardcore fans were watching anyway.

Steve Yzerman, we miss you old friend.

Oh look, the fat guy on TV has a full house and knocked out the dude with a pair of 2's.

Maybe I should get another beer and give this poker thing another chance.

Who I am voting for...its a matter of dinner.

2004-10-18T13:36:00.001-04:00

Ah, elections.

Nothing quite like the democratic process at work here in the good old U.S.A. This much is for sure: Families fight over who to vote for, spouses quit talking over it, and Florida screws up.

And, of course, we get the media to throw their right and left-winged two cents our way, telling us who to vote for and why. Its good to know the media knows more than we do.

My neighbors have a political "Sign War '04" underway right now. Bush-Chaney vs. Kerry-Edwards in a 30 x 20 Front Yard Lawn Sign fight. So far, its 2 to 1 in favor of the incumbent, but I expect this could change at any moment if the Talassis family or somebody else lays some front yard sign smack out. To hell with the polls, we got lawn signs going. Right now, "Dubya" is leading (margin of error, 1 sign).

Who am I going to vote for?

Its pretty simple really.

It all boils down to one thing.

Who (and their wife) would I most like to have over for dinner?

Yes. I have discovered the secret of a well-informed decision behind voting. Its who can I sit down with for an hour, eat pot roast and have conversation with without being put-off or uncomfortable.

And who do you think I would most like to chow down with?

George and Laura.

I think the conversation would be good. We could talk football, baseball and decorating the White House. Add the pot roast into the mix and I think we have the basis for a nice, relaxed, comfortable dinner.

As for the John and Theresa? I don't think so. I imagine a nice conversation with John, but then I see her melting down and complaining of the common peasant dinner of pot roast and demanding the servants show up. It wouldn't be casual or comfortable. Hell, I'm getting nervous thinking about that dinner party.

Oh, I suppose I could have the Kerry's over too.

But, there will be no Heinz ketchup served in my house. I can' play favorites you know.

I am Darren Proctor and I approve this message.

Poker on TV. It Must Be Stopped.

2004-10-16T20:00:00.000-04:00

Its amazing all the TV sports available to us nowadays.

Back in the day when ESPN was launched (yes, I am that old and remember when they first started), they were known for their off-beat, we-must-fill-all-time-slots-with-something-programming. It was not uncommon to see horseshoes, chick volleyball, ping pong, billiards and other assorted, "What the f*** kind of supposed sport are they showing now?" things on their airwaves.

But this new, sudden fascination with poker and putting it on TV has gone too far.

I can't take it anymore.

I don't want to see poker on TV. I mean, I can handle playing it once or twice a year with the fellas, when you all pony up to buy the big fight on Pay-Per-View, but to sit down and actually watch a freakin' card game on TV? No effin' way.

I'm holding out for "Go Fish", "Crazy 8's", or "Uno".

Now that sh*t would make for some fine "sports" programming.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed or How Fairy Tales are to blame for violence in society.

2004-10-15T14:04:00.000-04:00

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.

Really, he was.

You know the story, "...all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.."

Of course they couldn't. By then, he was dead. He shell had been decimated in the fall and there was not hope of recovery.

Why?

Why would anyone assassinate an egg? The non-humanity of it all.

Does anyone really think he just fell off that wall? Right. How many times have you fallen off a wall? Unless booze was involved, I smell a conspiracy.

The Zapruder film on this one hasn't surfaced yet, but it will. It will show that one of the King's men crawled on his stomach across the grassy knoll and in Kilroy-fashion on the wall, shoved Humpty as hard as he could knowing that the fall would produce one of the largest tragedies known to Fairy Tale-kind.

Speaking of Fairy Tales. I am sure your parents or grandparents read them to you. They, of course, are wonderful stories that enriched our lives. We are better people for listening to these stories and their moral, aren't we?

No, we aren't.

Fairy tales are full of violence. It is this violence that through their stories, has permeated our society and caused the problems we have now. Think about. Take this line from "The Old Lady that Lived in a Shoe"...you think she was a caring woman? No, she wasn't. Read on:

"...She whipped them all soundly, And sent them to bed"

How about this one?

Little Jack Horner,
Sat in a corner;
Eating a Christmas pie,
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "What a good boy am I."

Good boy? He stuck his freakin' thumb in a perfectly good pie? Are we to put up with and encourage this type of behavior?

It goes on:

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
There came a big spider,
Who sat down beside her.
And frightened Miss Muffet away!

Yes, even arachids and the horror they can wreak, invaded our subconscious as children.

And what about Old Mother Hubbard? The sweet caring mother had a sinister side:

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To give her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there, her cupboard was bare;
And so the poor dog had none.
She went to the baker's to buy him some bread;
When she got back, the dog was dead.

She killed the dog. The beotch!

And injuries abound in fairy tales:

One 1 little monkey,
Jumping on the bed.
One 1 fell off and bumped her head.
Mama called the doctor,
And the doctor said,
"No more monkeys,
Jumping on the bed."

See? Closed head inuries to animals. No wonder we are so twisted.

In closing, I can state hundreds of other examples, but the need to do so is not there. You get the point.

You see the damage Fairy tales can do.

I have to go now.

My son wants me to tell him a story.