This Week in Softball - Coach Proc Reflects Edition

Tailgaters, Michelob Ultra Keg Guys, Woman with dirty cars, Lemmy from Motorhead, Bean Sprouts and those named Kelly, Wojo, Mike and Sandy.

Welcome to This Week in Softball - Coach Proc Reflects Edition.Hi all.

Normally, a TWIS describing some type of beatdown would occupy this space.

And normally, I'd go off on some diatribe on how someone fugged up a play of messed up.

Not today.

Not this time.

I just want to say some things.TWIS started off 5+ years ago with an e-mail I sent ranting and raving about how disgusted I was with our team's play. I literally went off on a raging, e-mail bender, that ended up with just about everyone getting bashed.

Yep, that's exactly how TWIS was born.It was born out of anger, but ended up being comic relief for all of us.

Over the past half decade, I'd get e-mails from you guys saying, "Where is TWIS?" "Is TWIS out yet?" "What is going on with TWIS?".TWIS has been e-mailed to people all over the country and has been read in foreign countries. E-mail gets forwarded you know.

Who would've known the exploits of a dozen or so aging softball players would be read by so many? Not me. But, I can tell you, it brings a smile to my face.

TWIS wasn't just written by me. Sure, the majority were, but T.C. wrote some d****mn funny ones and their were occasional guest spots from Dawg and Mitch that were classics in their own right. We missed our calling fellas. We should've kicked Mitch Albom's a**z**z off the Free Press pages. We should've had our own columns.

Its been a fun ride playing softball with you guys and I've got some great memories. So, indulge me a little will ya as I lay out some highlights and thoughts that I remember.


Dugger and I and our first game back in 1983 with Hagopian Carpets and the subsequent years with Kirby Vaccuum, Old Time Prop Shop, Frankie Party Store, Seven Star Printing, Moby Dick's, Sports Haven, BBoomers and of course, the ever-loveable Bush Pilots.

The Bush Pilots, by the way, were named by Jim "Sports" McElhone. He even drew the original logo of the beaver in the biplane going down into the "spread" palm tree leaves. Ah, good times.

Probably the best player to ever don the uniform in franchise history was Sean Berro. The guy was phenomenal. He later became a health guru and moved to California.

We had guys like John "Dusty" Thompson, who pitched for years. I can still see that errant Dave Ziemba throw catching him square in the nose and his soon-after visit to the hospital. Ziemba has such a great arm and was fast like a jack-rabbit. Word is, he is an accountant in Ann Arbor and lives in a big, ole house in Pittsfield Township.

Dave Ziemba's brother, Marty (Party). Nice guy. Went through some tough times, but was a good pitcher and a great teammate.

Jeff Schulte. Pitched for us in the early years. Tough dude. He now owns the Dawg House Bar on Van Born in Dearborn Heights.

I still can see the Dave Sword-T.C. collision in centefield. T.C. ended up with bleeding kidneys or some such ailment. I think he is still mad at Dave Sword.

Keith Cummins. Our resident police officer. Keith could hit with the best of 'em.

Mark Niemic and Todd Learst (another cop) from the Kirby Vaccuum and Seven Star Teams. Nice guys.

I remember a guy named Nichols we went to school with, who slid over the metal base peg and took 70+ stitches to close the leg gash. That was nasty.

Third basemen. We have had more of these than Spinal Tap had drummers. My nephew Ryan (http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Ryan.jpg) and that Tim dude with the sweats with the shorts on top of the sweats and BigJohn are just three of the hundreds that come to mind.

Mike the Savior (http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Savior.jpg). A great pitcher, friend and ballplayer. We miss you fella. Stupid work schedule kept ya from playing.

BigJohn yelling at everyone to "take pitches".

Jeffro Bardelli's sweet, left-handed swing.

Freedom Rock's little glove and his many flasks.

Me, playing first base for 25 years. I can't believe its been that long. There's been alot of stretches for throws over the years, I can tell you that. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley/Proc-1stBase.JPG

Focker attaching the empty beer cans to fishing line and setting the "bait" for GarWee, who took it, hook, line and sinker and followed those cans across the parking lot while Focker reeled 'em in. When GarWee realized it, the look on his face was priceless. I honestly don't know if I've ever laughed harder in my life.

Mitch sitting down to pee on the parking block at Crowley.

I remember playing first base with a badly, sprained knee. It was a fall ball game. We would've foreited as we only had 8 guys. I didn't even have my gear. I played right handed (yes, I am a lefty if you have never noticed). I made every play at first. We actually won the game.The time my knee buckled when I stretched for a ball. It popped back into joint when I hit the ground.

And the time, my other knee buckled at home plate. I hit it down the line to the wall with bases loaded. All the fellas jumped over me to score as I was tagged out because I couldn't get up. As you can see here, my knees aren't good.

Mitch running in from the outfield and whipping the ball against the wooded slats in the back stop in protest of the umpires terrible call. The ump didn't kick him out and later showed up at the Sports Haven to apologize.

Playing at the now defunct, Ford Woods #4 and seeing a scared fox run across the infield. They were building the office buildings and shopping center across Greenfield and the poor fox literally got displaced.

I can still hear the 'Rab team calling Rich Hull a "Factory Worker". I can still see him catching a line drive at third and holding the ball out pointing at their bench.

Mitch making the grab for the last out in that same game, sealing up the "Under .500" Tournament Championship. We got a trophy for that. The stands at King Boring were packed. Yes, packed. Our side was anyway. We had parents there and friends we didn't know we had. Mitch's kids were little and paraded around with a "Sports Haven" banner.

I can still see the afformentioned Sean Berro's throw home that caught Jump's dad, our then catcher, square in the 'nads. It was slow motion, but the after-effect kicked in and Jump's dad, affectionately and ironically nicknamed, "Maury Wheels" for his lack of speed, feel staight back in big time pain.

Tim Kollar and his uncanny resemblence to Magnum P.I. (http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/TK.jpg).

The Can Return Posse -- CRA on the East Side. GarWee on the West http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Mitch-Proc-Gar-Wee.jpg and the Poltergiest Woman in the wheel chair back at Porath, who hated CRA.And, of course, the Bathroom Nazi Chick that wore the safety goggles. I can still hear Dugger telling her how he was "brewing one" and that the bathroom better be open.

I remember the good times at Moby Dick's Lounge. We had fun playing the V-shaped shuffleboard table and eating cheap burgers. We sometimes would go to "The Running Board", now KC's Dive, to play the long shuffleboard table.

Rosie and Joe Joe from Sports Haven and later Pat and Emil. We played for this bar for many years. We met Mitch here on a cold, early spring day, what, 18 years ago? Who would've known the "Little Feller" who was sporting a fine, p**o***r***n mustache, would've been such a big part of all this?

The Powder Puff Blue Sports Haven Crew when we had the powder puff blue jerseys.The Moby Dick jerseys with the crazy Houston Astro's stripes on the sleeves. Nearly all of us cut the sleeves off those jerseys.

Tim "T.K" Kollar calling out Bean as looking like Mr. Bean after a practice at Porath. A classic moment in time.

Dawg's home run down the line at the-then used Crowley #2. It rolled a long way right down the chalk to the concrete wall. The soccer field is there now.

Back on our 20s, when guys would have 2 and sometimes, 3, woman there to watch them play.There was Crazy Bob digging a ditch by hand to get the water to drain away from the batter's box/home plate because he wanted to play so bad. He wasn't successful.

The 15-3 season and league championship with BBoomers. What a good team. We were in our prime then. We one our first tournament game and then got schooled by the older guys from Little Professor Book Store, who beat us 18-1 and never hit anything more than a single.

You can still see Bean and T.C. standing on second base and both getting tagged out in our Under .500 tourney, semi-final loss to Lear Jets. Lear Jets ended up crushing their opponent in the final. That trophy should've been ours.

Bean pulling every muscle in his leg and coming up lame, leading to his retirement.

The Schultz Throw. 90 m.p.h square intot he back of the running sliding into second and the benches emptying.

How excited we used to be when we were scheduled at King Boring. I believe Mitch referred to it and still does, as "The Big House".How much we hated playing at the now-closed, Porath. Hemlock then replaced Porath as our most-hated field.

Our battles, which were like wars, with The Brew Crew and Raiders. What great games we had with those guys over the years. Anybody remember The Brew Crew bringing their trophy and putting it on the bench?

The Umpire, Scotty, and his son. They would come into the Sports Haven. Dawg and I would give the kid video game money. I bet that "kid" is 25 years old or more.

Speaking of that, many of us won't forget the moment last year when we realized Matt was the son of John "Perch" Dixon, who grew up and hung out with many of us. It blew us away. Still does if you think about it. I looked over at Bean's baby and mentioned that is how old Matt was when I met him.

Kenny from BBoomers. Nice guy. A bit crass and uptight, but he was a good team owner. Treated us well.

Getting stuck with the bill at BBoomers. Dawg and I got stuck with lions-share of the bill too many times, because we were always the last ones to leave.

The tailgate parties when we became the Bush Pilots. No more stuck bar tabs.

Our man Face. While he didn't have a storied softball career, he always gave it his all when he did play. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Face.jpg

Art from Arkansas. You are a good friend of the Bush Pilots.

Doug Ostroski. Duggo. Great guy. Still miss him not playing.

The dwarf catching for one of our opponents. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2007/dwarf-2.jpg

Jeff shaving his legs. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2007/jeffs-legs.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2007/nair-for-men.jpg

UPS Greg's laugh.

Mitch falling down.

And falling down again.

Focker with hair http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Matt.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3708.JPG

The Go-Kart race at Crowley and the "Glory Hole". http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3719.JPG http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3714.JPGhttp://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/%20GloryHole.jpg

My never-ending photoshop pictures of Bean and his "restraining order" against me. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/cubsfan-Bean.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/bean-oscar.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/beanWaterBuffalo.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Bean-Ref.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Bean_Wallace.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley/Bean-and-Friends.jpg

Bean and his associate. Later called out about his "associate", er friend, in yet, another photoshop. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Bean-Napolean.jpg

Coaching with T.C. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/CoachProcACTim.jpg

Julie keeping score.

Scott Hamilton, Ice Dancer, from Howell's. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Scott-Hamilton-Magazine.jpg

Bryan Larson, who'd hit 3 home runs, then throw away 3 throws while blaming everyone else.

Focker not letting Mitch leave after the Little Feller had a bad game. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/softball3/fokker_blocker.JPG

The Curse of The Schmenge. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley2/Schmenge-Tiki.jpg

T.C.'s boy-sized t-shirt. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Crowley/boys-t-shirt.jpg

Jump's perfect throws to first. Awesome accuracy. Two plus decades of laser throws to first. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Jeffy.jpg

Dugger's sky ball popups. THE DOUG BRYANT INSTITUTE FOR POP-UPS (D.B.I.F.P.U. ) was mentioned in TWIS back in 2004. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/week1-2004.htm

Dugger's great pitching.

Dave playing rightfield for so many years. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Dave1.jpg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2006/DSCF3706.JPG

Cramer playing just about every position. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Kramer.jpg

Dawg http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/Dawg.jpg hitting every hit up the middle. Like clockwork, he and his ancient bat, "The Warlord" could be counted on time and time again. What a great catcher too. http://www.shoplikeaman.com/darren/softball3/Dawg_in_action.JPG

There are many, many more, but I'll leave it here - for now. If any of you would like to contribute your memories, please do. That would be great.

Focker, T.C., FNG and Freedom Rock, we missed you last game.

In the meantime, check out Face's pictures from last Friday (8/15/08): http://www.shoplikeaman.com/softball/2008FinalRegSeason/

Cramer, thank you for the great tailgate. You are the Tailgate Chef Master, my friend. You efforts the other night were greatly appreciated. Thank you to Jump, Dubya and BigAl for bringing chow. Dugger, great job on the keg. Thanks to Cheryl, a.k.a. "Wojo" for running me up to the store for ice for the keg. All who contributed to the tailgate, I thank you. And thanks to The Schmenge's for putting up with a bunch of us who crashed their crib later in the evening.

Bean, it was great to see you and Bean Sprout, my friend. Come on out this Wednesday and play. We mean it.

I am sure Mitch's wife Sandy will have her pics posted somewhere soon.

We play this Wednesay at 6:15 at Crowley. Its a one-and-done playoff/tournament game. If we win, we play again on Thursday at 6:15 at Levagood. If we lose, well, we'll call it a career and move on.

Will there be over-the-winter sentiment to return to the diamond? I leave it all up to you fellas. Either way, its been a great ride. I've had so much fun over the years. If we don't play, I will miss hanging out with you guys though. That will be tough.

So, Bush Pilots, win or lose, let's give it our best this Wednesday. Even if our best isn't that good anymore, its still good enough to me. It is what it is you know.

As UPS Greg said, is This Week in Golf (TWIG) far behind? I still think This Week in Horseshoes (TWIH) would be better, LOL.

Did I mention Mitch falling down? :-)

Thanks for letting me share.

You guys rock.

-COACH PROC