I know I am definetely in the minority on this one.
I miss the NHL.
Last night was supposed to be my beloved Detroit Red Wings home opener. It didn't happen.
You see, the owners have "locked out" the players because they want a new collective bargaining agreement that will let them pay the players less than they paid them before which bascially is the cause of the problem leading to the lockout.
Got that?
I doubt it.
No one seems to understand it.
Aside from the hockey crazies in Canada and those in a few "real" hockey cities in the U.S. like Detroit, no one seems to miss the #4 major sport in America. Oops, make that #5, NASCAR has zoomed past it.
No, no one will miss it. They will get comfy on the couch and watch the World Series and the NFL and even the NBA after the Super Bowl is finished. They will even watch Poker on TV. And you all know my thoughts on that.
Last night as I settled into my Laz-E-Boy with a cold one and some shelled peanuts to watch the end of the Houston-St. Louis game and the end of the Yankee hex over the Red Sox, I actually felt bummed out that my clicker finger couldn't tune to Fox Sport Net Detroit and put on the Red Wing's game. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't care. I guess I do.
I am going to miss driving dowtown and parking for free behind the Greyhound Bus terminal and walking through the wasteland that is downtown Detroit on my way to Joe Louis Arena. I am going to miss walking up the 77 steps to our last row seats. I am going to miss the $7.50 beers. I am going to miss the people in the seats around us.
I know its an owners vs. players labor issue, but at the crux of the problem is hockey's failure to gain an expanded audience. It is a sport that doesn't translate well to television. In my humble opinion, it is the BEST sport to watch live. The action is constant and continuously unfolding. Watching it live, you can see the plays develop, which you can't on TV. Another reason for the problem is TV timeouts. It cuts into the flow of the game, but as we all know, without advertising revenue, there is no TV.
What to do?
I don't know. This labor impasse, which is hindered by the lack of a good, national TV contract (for reasons I just stated), doesn't look to end anytime soon. Oh, it will end and hockey will return. And only the hardcore fans will watch.
You know what?
Only the hardcore fans were watching anyway.
Steve Yzerman, we miss you old friend.
Oh look, the fat guy on TV has a full house and knocked out the dude with a pair of 2's.
Maybe I should get another beer and give this poker thing another chance.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Monday, October 18, 2004
Who I am voting for...its a matter of dinner.
Ah, elections.
Nothing quite like the democratic process at work here in the good old U.S.A. This much is for sure: Families fight over who to vote for, spouses quit talking over it, and Florida screws up.
And, of course, we get the media to throw their right and left-winged two cents our way, telling us who to vote for and why. Its good to know the media knows more than we do.
My neighbors have a political "Sign War '04" underway right now. Bush-Chaney vs. Kerry-Edwards in a 30 x 20 Front Yard Lawn Sign fight. So far, its 2 to 1 in favor of the incumbent, but I expect this could change at any moment if the Talassis family or somebody else lays some front yard sign smack out. To hell with the polls, we got lawn signs going. Right now, "Dubya" is leading (margin of error, 1 sign).
Who am I going to vote for?
Its pretty simple really.
It all boils down to one thing.
Who (and their wife) would I most like to have over for dinner?
Yes. I have discovered the secret of a well-informed decision behind voting. Its who can I sit down with for an hour, eat pot roast and have conversation with without being put-off or uncomfortable.
And who do you think I would most like to chow down with?
George and Laura.
I think the conversation would be good. We could talk football, baseball and decorating the White House. Add the pot roast into the mix and I think we have the basis for a nice, relaxed, comfortable dinner.
As for the John and Theresa? I don't think so. I imagine a nice conversation with John, but then I see her melting down and complaining of the common peasant dinner of pot roast and demanding the servants show up. It wouldn't be casual or comfortable. Hell, I'm getting nervous thinking about that dinner party.
Oh, I suppose I could have the Kerry's over too.
But, there will be no Heinz ketchup served in my house. I can' play favorites you know.
I am Darren Proctor and I approve this message.
Nothing quite like the democratic process at work here in the good old U.S.A. This much is for sure: Families fight over who to vote for, spouses quit talking over it, and Florida screws up.
And, of course, we get the media to throw their right and left-winged two cents our way, telling us who to vote for and why. Its good to know the media knows more than we do.
My neighbors have a political "Sign War '04" underway right now. Bush-Chaney vs. Kerry-Edwards in a 30 x 20 Front Yard Lawn Sign fight. So far, its 2 to 1 in favor of the incumbent, but I expect this could change at any moment if the Talassis family or somebody else lays some front yard sign smack out. To hell with the polls, we got lawn signs going. Right now, "Dubya" is leading (margin of error, 1 sign).
Who am I going to vote for?
Its pretty simple really.
It all boils down to one thing.
Who (and their wife) would I most like to have over for dinner?
Yes. I have discovered the secret of a well-informed decision behind voting. Its who can I sit down with for an hour, eat pot roast and have conversation with without being put-off or uncomfortable.
And who do you think I would most like to chow down with?
George and Laura.
I think the conversation would be good. We could talk football, baseball and decorating the White House. Add the pot roast into the mix and I think we have the basis for a nice, relaxed, comfortable dinner.
As for the John and Theresa? I don't think so. I imagine a nice conversation with John, but then I see her melting down and complaining of the common peasant dinner of pot roast and demanding the servants show up. It wouldn't be casual or comfortable. Hell, I'm getting nervous thinking about that dinner party.
Oh, I suppose I could have the Kerry's over too.
But, there will be no Heinz ketchup served in my house. I can' play favorites you know.
I am Darren Proctor and I approve this message.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Poker on TV. It Must Be Stopped.
Its amazing all the TV sports available to us nowadays.
Back in the day when ESPN was launched (yes, I am that old and remember when they first started), they were known for their off-beat, we-must-fill-all-time-slots-with-something-programming. It was not uncommon to see horseshoes, chick volleyball, ping pong, billiards and other assorted, "What the f*** kind of supposed sport are they showing now?" things on their airwaves.
But this new, sudden fascination with poker and putting it on TV has gone too far.
I can't take it anymore.
I don't want to see poker on TV. I mean, I can handle playing it once or twice a year with the fellas, when you all pony up to buy the big fight on Pay-Per-View, but to sit down and actually watch a freakin' card game on TV? No effin' way.
I'm holding out for "Go Fish", "Crazy 8's", or "Uno".
Now that sh*t would make for some fine "sports" programming.
Back in the day when ESPN was launched (yes, I am that old and remember when they first started), they were known for their off-beat, we-must-fill-all-time-slots-with-something-programming. It was not uncommon to see horseshoes, chick volleyball, ping pong, billiards and other assorted, "What the f*** kind of supposed sport are they showing now?" things on their airwaves.
But this new, sudden fascination with poker and putting it on TV has gone too far.
I can't take it anymore.
I don't want to see poker on TV. I mean, I can handle playing it once or twice a year with the fellas, when you all pony up to buy the big fight on Pay-Per-View, but to sit down and actually watch a freakin' card game on TV? No effin' way.
I'm holding out for "Go Fish", "Crazy 8's", or "Uno".
Now that sh*t would make for some fine "sports" programming.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Humpty Dumpty was pushed or How Fairy Tales are to blame for violence in society.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Really, he was.
You know the story, "...all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.."
Of course they couldn't. By then, he was dead. He shell had been decimated in the fall and there was not hope of recovery.
Why?
Why would anyone assassinate an egg? The non-humanity of it all.
Does anyone really think he just fell off that wall? Right. How many times have you fallen off a wall? Unless booze was involved, I smell a conspiracy.
The Zapruder film on this one hasn't surfaced yet, but it will. It will show that one of the King's men crawled on his stomach across the grassy knoll and in Kilroy-fashion on the wall, shoved Humpty as hard as he could knowing that the fall would produce one of the largest tragedies known to Fairy Tale-kind.
Speaking of Fairy Tales. I am sure your parents or grandparents read them to you. They, of course, are wonderful stories that enriched our lives. We are better people for listening to these stories and their moral, aren't we?
No, we aren't.
Fairy tales are full of violence. It is this violence that through their stories, has permeated our society and caused the problems we have now. Think about. Take this line from "The Old Lady that Lived in a Shoe"...you think she was a caring woman? No, she wasn't. Read on:
"...She whipped them all soundly, And sent them to bed"
How about this one?
Little Jack Horner,
Sat in a corner;
Eating a Christmas pie,
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "What a good boy am I."
Good boy? He stuck his freakin' thumb in a perfectly good pie? Are we to put up with and encourage this type of behavior?
It goes on:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
There came a big spider,
Who sat down beside her.
And frightened Miss Muffet away!
Yes, even arachids and the horror they can wreak, invaded our subconscious as children.
And what about Old Mother Hubbard? The sweet caring mother had a sinister side:
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To give her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there, her cupboard was bare;
And so the poor dog had none.
She went to the baker's to buy him some bread;
When she got back, the dog was dead.
She killed the dog. The beotch!
And injuries abound in fairy tales:
One 1 little monkey,
Jumping on the bed.
One 1 fell off and bumped her head.
Mama called the doctor,
And the doctor said,
"No more monkeys,
Jumping on the bed."
See? Closed head inuries to animals. No wonder we are so twisted.
In closing, I can state hundreds of other examples, but the need to do so is not there. You get the point.
You see the damage Fairy tales can do.
I have to go now.
My son wants me to tell him a story.
Really, he was.
You know the story, "...all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.."
Of course they couldn't. By then, he was dead. He shell had been decimated in the fall and there was not hope of recovery.
Why?
Why would anyone assassinate an egg? The non-humanity of it all.
Does anyone really think he just fell off that wall? Right. How many times have you fallen off a wall? Unless booze was involved, I smell a conspiracy.
The Zapruder film on this one hasn't surfaced yet, but it will. It will show that one of the King's men crawled on his stomach across the grassy knoll and in Kilroy-fashion on the wall, shoved Humpty as hard as he could knowing that the fall would produce one of the largest tragedies known to Fairy Tale-kind.
Speaking of Fairy Tales. I am sure your parents or grandparents read them to you. They, of course, are wonderful stories that enriched our lives. We are better people for listening to these stories and their moral, aren't we?
No, we aren't.
Fairy tales are full of violence. It is this violence that through their stories, has permeated our society and caused the problems we have now. Think about. Take this line from "The Old Lady that Lived in a Shoe"...you think she was a caring woman? No, she wasn't. Read on:
"...She whipped them all soundly, And sent them to bed"
How about this one?
Little Jack Horner,
Sat in a corner;
Eating a Christmas pie,
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "What a good boy am I."
Good boy? He stuck his freakin' thumb in a perfectly good pie? Are we to put up with and encourage this type of behavior?
It goes on:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
There came a big spider,
Who sat down beside her.
And frightened Miss Muffet away!
Yes, even arachids and the horror they can wreak, invaded our subconscious as children.
And what about Old Mother Hubbard? The sweet caring mother had a sinister side:
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To give her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there, her cupboard was bare;
And so the poor dog had none.
She went to the baker's to buy him some bread;
When she got back, the dog was dead.
She killed the dog. The beotch!
And injuries abound in fairy tales:
One 1 little monkey,
Jumping on the bed.
One 1 fell off and bumped her head.
Mama called the doctor,
And the doctor said,
"No more monkeys,
Jumping on the bed."
See? Closed head inuries to animals. No wonder we are so twisted.
In closing, I can state hundreds of other examples, but the need to do so is not there. You get the point.
You see the damage Fairy tales can do.
I have to go now.
My son wants me to tell him a story.
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