Talk about being all over the map.
That is where I am headed with this latest installment on the Proc Blog.
In this issue, I will cover such diverse topics as the Detroit Lions quarterback, canned chili and television aimed at a female audience.
Here we go.
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Joey Ballgame - Lions Quarterback
When my beloved Detroit Lions drafted Joey Harrington with the 3rd pick of the 2002 draft, I was pretty pumped up. It appeared on paper (I love that term "on paper") that the Lions had picked up the second coming of Joe Montana.
Did they really get the next Joe Montana?
Well, they haven't -- yet.
Call me a slappy, but if the Lions could ever get an offensive line that can run block, I do think that Joey (he needs to change it to just "Joe") Harrington will be a serviceable quarterback. The Lions rank 32nd in rushing this year. In case you are wondering where that ranks, well, its at the bottom. Last, even. Without a running game, the pressure is shifted to the quarterback to make plays. However, when teams know you are going to pass, they drop back in coverage and make life that much harder for the QB.
Will the Lions ever get that elusive running game going?
I don't know. I have a feeling they will continue to be at the bottom of the league in rushing and that Mr. Harrington, "Joey Ballgame" around these parts, will take the blame. And, in grand Detroit sports team fashion, they will let him go, where he will flourish for another team.
Oh well, another frustrating Lion's season.
1957. The Lions win it all.
Sigh.
Chunky Chili
As I sat camped out on my Laz-E-Boy with beverage in hand watching the NFL a few weeks ago, I was overwhelmed by the number of commercials for Campbell's Chunky Chili. Normally, you put the word "chunky" in front of anything and I get a bit grossed out, but I was intrigued, seeing as I dig chili. Visions of tailgaters munching down on warm bowls of chili while imbibing in alcoholic beverages and throwing footballs seemed to beckon to me.
I thought to myself: I must have this chili.
So, off I was to the local grocery store to finalize my conquest of this supposed, can delight.
Was there anyway a canned chili could compete with homemade?
Yes.
This shit is good. Decent even. I polished off the contents with a splash of Red Hot and crackers added and declared it "good".
Chunky Chili has got it goin' on.
Chick TV
What is up with all the cable/satellite stations for women out there? We have Oxygen, We, Leftime and Oh! that I know of. I mean, seriously, how many times can each of these stations show a Hugh Grant movie? I think I've seen "Four Weddings and a Funeral" listed on one of these stations at least once a week for the past month.
What am I doing checking the guide for these stations you ask?
Well, my significant other, Angie, has it on her "Favorites" list on the channel guide. For some reason, the TV is always on her favorites. Go figure.
Now, many woman might argue that ESPN is for men, but that is not true. They sometimes show woman's pro basketball (which no one watches).
I want my own channel.
I want to be the new Ted Turner.
PROC TV.
My station will show sports programs complete with my announcers that can swear and say anything they want like, "Hey, Joey Harrington sucks today. It looks like he stayed up late watching the Oxygen channel. What a puss.".
I'd have my own game shows to where contestants would answer sports-related questions to win cases of Chunky Chili.
I'd also have reruns of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and the original "Twilight Zone" running all the time.
My station would not show "Four Wedding and a Funeral" or any other Hugh Grant movie for that matter.
Oh! We need Oxygen in this Lifetime.
Not on TV we don't.
We are men.
PROC TV. Ask you cable or satellite provider about it.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
The Evolution of a Beer Drinker
***Originally published on beeradvocate.com 11/18/02 but it needed to be republished here in Proc-Blogdom to assist those in the quest for beer knowledge and fufillment.***
The Evolution of a Beer Drinker
From Bud to Advocacy, the Rise of the Beer Drinker.
As with most things in life, the more we experience something, the more our understanding, appreciation and knowledge of it grows.And yes, beer is an experience.
This experience can be chronicled throughout the evolution of BeerManKind ...
The Cave Man Period
We start off our evolution much like the Neanderthal or Cro-Magnon Man in our pursuit of quarry that gets us by and provides for our beer sustenance. Inexpensive lagers and malt liquors and satisfy our beer survival instincts. We walk hunched over and wear "Bud" t-shirts.
The Medieval Period
As our evolution progresses, we work our way into the role of Knights of The Beer Table. Our intentions are brave and we dare to take chances. We lay our glassware out and try to save the day. Save the princess? No, but we'll drink with her. The word "pint" enters our vocabulary for the first time and we heartily drink like a King. Yes, a fresh pint of Guinness and we think we can rule the kingdom.
The Explorer Period
Like Columbus, Magellan and Marco Polo, we set off in the pursuit of new treasures. We leave behind the comforts of home and venture out to foreign lands. The hops and malts of offshore places tickle our palates and we become worldly. Heineken, Beck's, Corona, and Stella beckon us to their side.
The Evolution of a Beer Drinker
From Bud to Advocacy, the Rise of the Beer Drinker.
As with most things in life, the more we experience something, the more our understanding, appreciation and knowledge of it grows.And yes, beer is an experience.
This experience can be chronicled throughout the evolution of BeerManKind ...
The Cave Man Period
We start off our evolution much like the Neanderthal or Cro-Magnon Man in our pursuit of quarry that gets us by and provides for our beer sustenance. Inexpensive lagers and malt liquors and satisfy our beer survival instincts. We walk hunched over and wear "Bud" t-shirts.
The Medieval Period
As our evolution progresses, we work our way into the role of Knights of The Beer Table. Our intentions are brave and we dare to take chances. We lay our glassware out and try to save the day. Save the princess? No, but we'll drink with her. The word "pint" enters our vocabulary for the first time and we heartily drink like a King. Yes, a fresh pint of Guinness and we think we can rule the kingdom.
The Explorer Period
Like Columbus, Magellan and Marco Polo, we set off in the pursuit of new treasures. We leave behind the comforts of home and venture out to foreign lands. The hops and malts of offshore places tickle our palates and we become worldly. Heineken, Beck's, Corona, and Stella beckon us to their side.
We bring these treasures back to our home land.
We are heroes.
The Governor Period
We return home as conquering men of John Courage. We now discover delights in our own backyards. Various beers from our region are sampled and deemed incredibly delicious. We drink the nectar from our native soil and believe we masters of our own domain. And, in some ways, we probably are. Drinkers all over the world consume locally brewed beers and try to spread the word far and wide.
The Belgian Period (the Period of Discovery)
It is at this point in our evolution that all hell breaks loose. We find out that monks make beer and have done so for years. Finding out that these men of religion brew beer, we respond, "That is too cool." We open these complex delights and screams of "Chimay!" and "Westy!" bellow out of our mouths. We buy goblet-shaped glassware and throw out our Spuds McKenzie plastic mugs. We talk about "balance" and "body" and for the first time in our lives, we understand what a barley wine is.
The Advocacy Period
Our journey into BeerManKind is complete.
Our evolution reaches its pinnacle.
We know what an IPA is.
We know hops by the names of Cascade and Tettnanger and Noble.
Our families look at us funny, but humor us.
We actually give ratings to beer and know, for the most part, what we are talking about.
We walk upright.
We have evolved.
--Kind of makes you want to have a beer right now doesn't it? -Darren, 11/9/04
The Governor Period
We return home as conquering men of John Courage. We now discover delights in our own backyards. Various beers from our region are sampled and deemed incredibly delicious. We drink the nectar from our native soil and believe we masters of our own domain. And, in some ways, we probably are. Drinkers all over the world consume locally brewed beers and try to spread the word far and wide.
The Belgian Period (the Period of Discovery)
It is at this point in our evolution that all hell breaks loose. We find out that monks make beer and have done so for years. Finding out that these men of religion brew beer, we respond, "That is too cool." We open these complex delights and screams of "Chimay!" and "Westy!" bellow out of our mouths. We buy goblet-shaped glassware and throw out our Spuds McKenzie plastic mugs. We talk about "balance" and "body" and for the first time in our lives, we understand what a barley wine is.
The Advocacy Period
Our journey into BeerManKind is complete.
Our evolution reaches its pinnacle.
We know what an IPA is.
We know hops by the names of Cascade and Tettnanger and Noble.
Our families look at us funny, but humor us.
We actually give ratings to beer and know, for the most part, what we are talking about.
We walk upright.
We have evolved.
--Kind of makes you want to have a beer right now doesn't it? -Darren, 11/9/04
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
The Fighting Electors! Go Electoral College!
Another presidential election has come and gone.
And, here, this day after the big event, George W. Bush, has reclaimed the top spot with a hard fought victory over John F. Kerry.
Speaking of John F. Kerry...would the country have been ready for the return of a new "JFK"? Hmm...
I am not here to sulk or gloat over the outcome of the election. However, my offer of pot roast to George and Laura still stands.
No, I am here to spout rhetoric and bull shit about the Electoral College.
I am so tired of network anchorpersons and reporters and their reports as to why we supposedly don't need the Electoral Colleg.
Do away with it?
Hell no.
It works.
Think of the Electoral College as fifty separate elections. Really, that is all it is. You win the popular vote in a state, you win their "electors" or electoral votes. You get at least 270 or more of the 538 electoral votes and you win.
538? You ask.
Yes, 538. The number is equal to the number of representatives in the House of Representatives (438) and the number of senators (100). Each state has a certain number of members of the House of Representatives (here in Michigan it is 15) and all have 2 senators. Add 'em up and you get your number of electoral votes.
Why is this a big deal?
Because it forces the candidates to campaign everywhere. Bush was in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Kerry made stops in Iowa. Would they have visited either without the Electoral College?
No.
If we go to a Popular Vote-only election, only the major metropolitan centers of the U.S. will matter. Idaho and New Hampshire be damned, because you won't matter anymore. As it stands now, New Hampshire and its 4 electoral votes looked pretty big for awhile last night.
The "College" make each state important. The popular vote does note.
O.K. Now that I have that off my chest, I need to turn my attention to what I really want of the Electoral College.
A football team.
That is right. A football team.
Every college needs a team, a stadium and hot cheerleaders.
So, let's hear it for the Electoral College Fighting Electors.
Next to my beloved University of Michigan Wolverines, they could very well be my new favorite team.
And, here, this day after the big event, George W. Bush, has reclaimed the top spot with a hard fought victory over John F. Kerry.
Speaking of John F. Kerry...would the country have been ready for the return of a new "JFK"? Hmm...
I am not here to sulk or gloat over the outcome of the election. However, my offer of pot roast to George and Laura still stands.
No, I am here to spout rhetoric and bull shit about the Electoral College.
I am so tired of network anchorpersons and reporters and their reports as to why we supposedly don't need the Electoral Colleg.
Do away with it?
Hell no.
It works.
Think of the Electoral College as fifty separate elections. Really, that is all it is. You win the popular vote in a state, you win their "electors" or electoral votes. You get at least 270 or more of the 538 electoral votes and you win.
538? You ask.
Yes, 538. The number is equal to the number of representatives in the House of Representatives (438) and the number of senators (100). Each state has a certain number of members of the House of Representatives (here in Michigan it is 15) and all have 2 senators. Add 'em up and you get your number of electoral votes.
Why is this a big deal?
Because it forces the candidates to campaign everywhere. Bush was in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Kerry made stops in Iowa. Would they have visited either without the Electoral College?
No.
If we go to a Popular Vote-only election, only the major metropolitan centers of the U.S. will matter. Idaho and New Hampshire be damned, because you won't matter anymore. As it stands now, New Hampshire and its 4 electoral votes looked pretty big for awhile last night.
The "College" make each state important. The popular vote does note.
O.K. Now that I have that off my chest, I need to turn my attention to what I really want of the Electoral College.
A football team.
That is right. A football team.
Every college needs a team, a stadium and hot cheerleaders.
So, let's hear it for the Electoral College Fighting Electors.
Next to my beloved University of Michigan Wolverines, they could very well be my new favorite team.
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